Tuesday Travel Tip: Give Yourself (even more) Extra Time

{Photo credit: http://www.benjerry.com}

I have written other blog posts about the importance of leaving extra time for travel to any destination of any importance. My previous posts focused on reducing your own stress when you encounter roadblocks on your journey and honoring the other person by not keeping them waiting or wondering where you are. Those are still valid reasons for giving yourself plenty of time.

Recently I noticed another reason to give yourself plenty of time: it allows you the freedom to take advantage of unexpected opportunities along the way. Let's say, for example, that you didn't know that Tuesday, April 3, 2012 was Ben and Jerry's free cone day. Then, on your way somewhere else, you happen to pass a Ben and Jerry's. If you gave yourself plenty of time, you have the freedom to stop and get your free ice cream cone. If you are running late, you miss out on an opportunity.

It's almost like you get to have a free ice cream cone as a reward for leaving early. How nice.

Of course, now you know that today is free ice cream cone day, so plan that into your day, but leave yourself plenty of time. The line may be long.

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Join our world wide movement of Good People Going Great Places in an eCourse that begins April 9. You'll be in a group of intelligent, creative, spiritually-minded people as they examine questions of identity, purpose and passion, and then actually do something to make a difference in your world. Find out more, and register today.

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Monday Musing: Sightreading Christmas Carols

Our book of Christmas Carols

Since I don't really cook and I am in a family of good cooks, I generally stay out of the kitchen on Christmas. Part of my job is entertainment. Sometimes that means playing with my nieces, but I also find time to play the piano. Every year I sight-read our vintage Christmas Carol book. No one really sings along, but everyone seems to enjoy it. My niece just started piano lessons, so this year she jumped in a few times to play a song.

As I was playing this year, it occurred to me that it is much easier to sight read a song I know. When the chords become complicated, I can ignore the right hand and keep the familiar melody going while I focus on what the left hand needs to do. Isn't that the way lots of things are in life? When something difficult demands our full attention, it's important that we have some other things that are very familiar so that those things can keep going while we focus on the problem at hand. That's why healthy habits are so important. Without healthy habits that can keep going under most circumstances, we have to focus on daily practices, and those daily practices fall by the wayside as soon as something else demands our attention.

Which leads me to my next thought: you have to keep the song going, especially when everyone knows it. Even when the arrangement is difficult, you can't stop and worry about a wrong note, you just have to keep it moving. Perfectionism slows us down and interrupts the song. At it's extreme, it makes the song almost unintelligible.

However, there is a time and place to work on something and make it better. Since I don't have a piano of my own, much of my time at the piano is sight reading. It's been years since I've practiced a song and really learned it. Thus, I decided that this week I would learn Bach's Invention #1. I've practiced every day. Productive practice means that we look for the areas that are difficult, go over the details slowly, and learn to improve. As tempting as it is to "practice" the things we do well, in order to really improve, we need to practice the things we don't do well.

And so it came to pass that I am pretty good at Bach's Invention #1, but I'll always enjoy playing through the book of Christmas Carols, mistakes and all.

I hope that your holidays have been merry and bright.

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A Win-Win Situation, Overheard on the Subway

Riding the subway during busy times is sometimes nearly silent, and sometimes full of conversations that you can't help but overhear.

Yesterday, I heard a man tell a friend that late last Friday afternoon he got a call that his parents were coming for a surprise visit. His home was a mess, and he had to work late. He called his once-a-month cleaning lady on a Friday night, wondering if she would take a last minute job at a time of day that she doesn't usually work. She agreed immediately. She took the bus across town and worked for a few hours. By the time he got home his place was spotless. As he paid her and gave her an extra tip, she held up the money and said, "This is Christmas for my children. Thank you."

The man on the subway didn't draw conclusions from his experience, but I was struck with how in that one transaction they both were provided with what they needed. He was thrilled that she would work on a Friday night with no advance warning right when he needed her. She was thrilled to have extra money for Christmas gifts.

I think that there are more opportunities than we realize to create win-win situations, but two factors come into play:

1. we must ask for what we need 
2. we must take the opportunities that come to us

Which part of that equation do you need to get better at doing?

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Tuesday Travel Tip: Don't Plan Anything for the Last Day

{Image by photographer Mark Shaw 

for LIFE Magazine in 1957 via Paris Hotel Boutique}

I always try to keep my schedule as open as possible on my last day in a particular location whether I have been there for months, weeks or only a few days. I run my errands, see the most important people and places, and eat all my favorite meals before the last day. I even have a general idea of what I need to pack before the last day.

When I am at a multi-day event and I run into people who say "we should grab coffee while we're here" I schedule it right away, but not for the last day.

If I remove the last day as a possible day to do things, I move the urgency earlier and actually do all sorts of things earlier. Doing "last day things" when I know it's not really the last day is also great, because I know that if something doesn't go quite right, I actually have one more day.

Keeping my last day free allows me to spend a little more time on anything that has held meaning for me in that place. On my last days in various locations I have had time to talk for hours with a close friend without worrying about travel plans, sit outside the Sydney Opera House and watch the sun set, take advantage of unexpected opportunities because I know that things are all set for my impending departure.

Planning ahead actually gives you more opportunity to be flexible and have a meaningful experience before your departure.

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Monday Morning Musing: Lifelong Learner

{Poster Art by Mitch Markovitz}

Whether or not you are still involved in education, doesn't the fall always make you think back to school?

When I attended Valparaiso University for my undergraduate degree, I was part of the honors college, a smaller group within the larger university with its own building, faculty and courses in the humanities. Although we declared our own major, our courses at the honors college fulfilled almost all of our general education requirements with an interdisciplinary approach. Instead of taking separate classes in, say, history, theology and art appreciation, we learned about all three interacted throughout the centuries. We also integrated ourselves together as a freshmen class during our first semester when we had to write, produce and perform a musical that embodied the themes of what we learned.

One of my favorite parts of our education was symposium. Every Thursday night, the entire honors college including all four years of students plus the faculty, gathered together for one hour to learn and discuss one topic. I love the way in which the symposium gave us all something common to think about even though we were all at different parts of our academic path. Everyone had something unique to contribute to the discussion because we were all approached the topic from a different angle.

The brilliance was that at the same time drew us together toward one set of ideas, symposium also provided a diversity of idea. Over the course of a semester, each individual would spend time at the symposium thinking about topics well outside his or her main interests because the topics were so diverse. For example, fall 2011 includes "Sex, Lies and Bad Romance: The Hunt for the Real Lady Gaga" lead by a musicologist, "Stewarding Creation: Why Christians Should Care about the Environment" lead by a biblical theologian, and "Sacred Space/Middle East" lead by an architectural historian. By considering a wide variety of topics, people made unique connections in their main area of study.

Liberal arts colleges around the world specialize in exposing their students to new ideas. If you are not attending school this fall, what are you doing to learn, grow and integrate new ideas into your life and work?

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Fear (and what to do about it)

{Photo found on Pinterest}

I meet people on a semi-regular basis who say they would love to work with me as a life coach, but they are afraid.

I find it rather brave that they would tell me they are afraid. It tells me that they are only afraid of certain things, not everything. After a brief conversation, I discover that they are not actually afraid of me as a person (wheh!) but rather what they might discover they need to do as a result of our coaching conversations.

Anything can be frightening until you have more information, but sometimes you can't get all the information you need without actually doing the thing that frightens you.

So you can be stuck or you can face the fear.

I can tell you that I have done many things that started out very, very scary: move across the country by myself, buy and sell a condo, and leave a full time job with benefits in order to follow my passions. I have also not yet done many things that frighten me, but I'm working on it slowly.

Sometimes fear is a useful reaction that helps you avoid some sort of actual danger. Other times fear is something that you must acknowledge, assess, and then act anyway. What kind of fear are you experiencing? Talk about it, gather information, and find people to support you.

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As a coach, I help people sort out which fears are worth listening to and which fears to manage and take action in spite of them. No matter which it turns out to be, I provide support and encouragement through the entire process, and help people live lives of passion and purpose. Check out one-on-one coaching by telephone or email and 4-week interactive eCourses that start this Tuesday, September 13.

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Monday Morning Musing: Hard Workers and Whiz Kids

(Photo Source pixdaus.com via Pinterest)

In the last two weeks, I have talked to five different people who seem to be "stuck" in their careers. Oddly enough, they all have something in common. Early on, they were the Whiz Kids. The stars. Opportunities were handed to them because they were enormously talented and highly educated for their field. As they were given better opportunities, they exerted enough effort to make a good showing and got even better at what they did. They started to become well known within their field. They knew all the right people and did all the right things. They climbed the mountain and enjoyed the view.

So why are they stuck? It turns out that while the Whiz Kids were being handed everything and enjoying the view, others, we'll call them the Hard Workers, were fighting for every last opportunity. The Hard Workers took longer to get where the Whiz Kids are, but along the way they learned to go after what they wanted and put in a lot of extra work. The extra work was difficult and often inconvenient, so the Hard Workers asked themselves if it was worth all that, well, Hard Work. And for those whose answer was yes, they redoubled their efforts toward the goal.

And then one day the Hard Workers caught up to and surpassed the Whiz Kids. And the Whiz Kids were shocked. In fact, they looked around and didn't even see anyone else, because the Hard Workers had moved on to another mountain, which they climbed even faster. It wasn't because they were more skilled. It was because the Hard Workers learned so much about themselves as they climbed the first mountain that they were better prepared for the second mountain.

Eventually everyone can develop the skills for the job. The winners for the long haul also develop the necessary internal resources. They know if the goal is what they really want, and they are willing to do whatever it takes, even when it's inconvenient, as long as it aligns with their sense of right and wrong. The Hard Workers have the passion. The Whiz Kids who get stuck just haven't had to test their passion yet. They have gotten as far as their education and talent and connections will take them. They have an interest or ability in their field, but now they need to decide if they have the passion.

I can hardly wait to hear what the Whiz Kids in my life decide, because either way, they have an exciting road ahead.

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Monday Musing: Contribute to the System

(Source: architizer.com via Pinterest)

On this day of debt ceilings and federal budgets and taxes in the United States, I think back to a recent conversation with an acquaintance who was ranting about how his tax dollars were being used to fund a playground. He never planned to have children and didn't see the point of paying for something akin to toys for someone else's child. "It's not like it's a school or something useful. This has nothing to do with me."

Actually, it has a lot to do with him. I explained how a playground keeps the high-earning parents of those children in our community, paying local taxes and funding all sorts of things. If the families stay here instead of commuting from some other place with more playgrounds, they also may take in some local entertainment, thereby directly supporting my performer-acquaintance. I also pointed out that he has a vested interest in those children growing up healthy and strong so they will be ready to take care of him in his old age, since he doesn't want children.

Whether it's taxes or doing a favor for someone or making a donation, sometimes it's not about your immediate individual return on investment. Sometimes it's a secondary benefit, and sometimes it just won't benefit you at all. Of course you don't waste your time and money, you just may need to look a bit further to see where it's going. You contribute because it's about keeping the system strong and living an orderly, generous, pleasant life. And who's to say we won't try out that playground some evening after the children get tucked into bed?
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Tuesday Travel Tip: Truly Experience Things as They Happen

This is a sample of the red, white and blue appetizers we had on the roof of my friend's apartment as we waiting for the Independence Day fireworks to begin in New York City last night. I also have a couple pictures of friends and other rooftop views, especially as the sun went down. What I don't have is a picture of the fireworks. You see, I love fireworks, and if I'd been concerned about getting a good picture of the fireworks I would not have truly enjoyed the display. I would have focused on framing the photo, timing it out with the burst of color, and constantly wondering if I could make the next photo even more spectacular. However, I didn't want to "waste" this fireworks display by doing all that. Although the fireworks go on for quite some time, they don't happen every day, and I wanted to see them all. I also knew that plenty of other people were taking photos, and that it was being televised. If I really need to have a record of the fireworks, I can find it quite easily.

If you put all of your focus on saving the memory for later by trying to record it, you may never truly have the experience in the first place.

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The tourist who didn't see a famous person in Times Square

David Hyde Pierce in Curtains
Photo by Joan Marcus

Many people seem to believe that their surroundings do not provide what they want or need. Is that the case, or are you just not noticing what's there? As I passed a tour group in Times Square, I overheard a man ask when they were going to start seeing famous people. His tone implied that this was very important to him, and that he was frustrated that the famous people hadn't yet made themselves available to him. Just then, David Hyde Pierce passed quietly around the group, presumably on his way to the Broadway musical in which he was starring. As a well trained New Yorker, I didn't say or do anything to draw attention to the celebrity. None of the tourists noticed David Hyde Pierce, probably to the great relief of David Hyde Pierce. I was left to consider all sorts of things:

• God or the Universe (I don't believe in coincidences) delivered the exact type of person that the tourist wanted at the exact moment he asked for it.
• Someone in the general category of celebrity walked by. We can't always manifest the exact person or thing that we pray for or focus on, but some form of fulfillment presents itself.
• The man was so busy asking his leader when his leader was going to point out a famous person that he missed a famous person. Always look for your own solution, even when someone else is helping to guide the way.

I don't know whether this tourist ever saw a famous person on his trip to the Big Apple. If not, perhaps the problem was not a lack of access to what he wanted, but a lack of ability to see that what he wanted was passing by on the sidewalk.

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Redesigns, makeovers and other compelling changes

I just gave my website a face lift. When I announced it on Facebook and Twitter, I got 47 visits in the first hour (much higher traffic than a normal weekday hour). 95% of the content didn't change, just the appearance, and it drew people in at a much higher rate than any new bit of information.

There is something compelling about any sort of makeover. People are drawn to the story of reinvention. How many TV shows are there about home makeovers, personal makeovers and weight loss makeovers. (I don't know the answer to that, as I don't have a TV, but it seems like a lot). What are you doing to reinvent yourself? How will you create a better version of you this week? This month? This year?

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Cinderella's Life Coach

This summer I was in Ohio working in a dinner theater production of Cinderella. One of the most intriguing scenes that Rodgers and Hammerstein wrote is right before Cinderella goes to the ball. Her fairy godmother has given her a dress, a coach shaped like a pumpkin, white horses, a coachman and a footman. So many gifts. Everything seems perfect, so the fairy godmother says goodbye.

Cinderella: Aren't you coming with me?
Godmother: Heavens, no. I've been to so many of these things I couldn't stand another. Furthermore, all I can do is give you your wish. How it turns out from here is up to you.
Cinderella: But I'm afraid to go in there all by myself.

Cinderella moves past her fear, goes to the ball, and the fairy tale unfolds.

In Rodger's and Hammerstein's version, Cinderella's godmother can give her all the trappings of a fairy tale, but she must take action in order to achieve her fairy tale ending. Although we don't all have a fairy godmother, how many times are we faced with the resources to fulfill our dreams, but our fear gets in the way? Learn to recognize when opportunities arise, and learn how to move past your fear. Take a risk. Walk into the ballroom alone. Claim your fairy tale ending.

You can change the channel

Sometimes when I enter a shared space where a person is watching television, they tell me I can change the channel. They say it as an aside as they appear to be engrossed in something else. Even though they aren't watching, I find that they don't mean that I can turn the television off. I've actually tried it a few times. It plays out like a British comedy.

"Why is the TV off?"
"You said that I could change the channel."
"But I didn't think you'd turn it off."
"Oh, sorry, were you watching it?"
"No.That's why I said you could change the channel."
"So I can change the channel but not turn it off?"
"Right."
"So you weren't watching it, but you want it on?"
"I just need it on."
"You're willing to have it on any programme that I could possibly choose out of 500 channels, but you're not willing to have it off?"
"Right. Could you please turn it back on?"
"I don't know how, there are too many remotes."

I'm not saying that all television is bad. I watch a couple shows online. I also don't go around turning off other peoples' televisions uninvited. I just don't understand why it's on when no one is watching it. Television is designed to attract your attention, even if you're "not watching it." How do you have a sustained set of thoughts when the television pulls away your focus every few minutes? How do you create your own reality when you are so involved in the "reality" of the characters on television? How do you hear the still small voice of God over the laugh track?

Perhaps it is time for you to "change the channel" on your television habit.

New Life

Easter Sunday is my last full day in Greenwich Village. The weather definitely matches the spirit of the day. As if on cue, the whole neighborhood came alive this weekend. Days like this inspire me to stage a small photo shoot. As I took the photos, I realized that the elements of a stunning photo have a variety of applications in life:

• Framing: Once you decide what's important and crop off all the other junk, real beauty emerges.
• Point of view: If something is not working, look at the subject from a different angle.
• Focus: Enough said.
• Patience: Spend the extra time to get it right.
• Observation: Some of the best opportunities are on your way somewhere else. Pay attention.
• Trial and Error: Look at what you did, learn from it, and try again.
• Juxtaposition: Mixing together unexpected elements creates the most interesting results.
• The Light: Without it, there is nothing.

Below are the fruits of my labor. I hope you enjoy the results.

Bored

Whenever anyone over the age of 12 says that they are bored, I answer, "I don't believe in bored". I find that this confuses most people and leads to a discussion. At first, the person defends themselves, pointing out the ways in which the present situation is not stimulating enough. I affirm that the person is experiencing some lack of stimulation, I just don't understand why they choose to be in that state. The person usually repeats how "boring" the situation is, and the reasons that he or she cannot escape the boring situation. They generally don't understand that they have the option to either figure out something to do or figure out how to just be. To say that you are bored is to say that the world around you is supposed to entertain you at all times, and that currently the world is not doing its job. I point out to the bored person that I am in the same situation with them, but I am not bored. Thus, it's not the situation itself, it's the person's perception of the situation. I have never really "won" this discussion with a bored person, but I have in effect taken them out of their boredom for the few minutes that we are talking about it.

Boredom is presented as almost the opposite of the state of "flow" in the famous chart by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. Here, boredom happens when you are engaged in a task that does not have a great deal of challenge or use your skills. I realize the improbability of always living in a state of flow, in which your skill level matches your challenge level and you enter a highly productive and creative state. However, I believe that it is your responsibility to entertain yourself.

Perhaps sometime when you think you might be getting bored you could let me know what you think about all of this.

Ukuleles and the L Train

All subway platforms are not created equal. Some are busier, some are trashier, and some are not even subterranean, they are above ground. However, I have found that the L train platform at Union Square is consistently the happiest. For the uninitiated, the L train runs from 8th Avenue and 14th Street in Manhattan through Union Square, across to the east side and into Brooklyn. The first time I remember being on it was a Saturday night about three years ago. A friend and I were headed to Brooklyn to hear a mutual friend's debut singing Gilbert & Sullivan tunes accompanied by a ukulele quartet. This is the type of performance event for which one must go to Brooklyn, as nothing like that seems to happen in Manhattan. As we headed to the L train, we ran into Lauren Graham (Lorelai Gilmore) on the street. We chatted a bit and then went our separate ways. Apparently Lauren Graham does not take the L train, but Lorelai Gilmore would have fit right in. Everyone was chatting, sometimes even with strangers. People were especially animated given that on all of the other subway lines people generally try to keep to themselves.

This past Saturday night I was back on the L Train platform at Union Square, trying to stay warm by taking the train instead of walking a few blocks like I normally would. On the platform, a guitarist was playing hits of the 70s and 80s for tips. Instead of pretending to ignore said musician, people applauded at the end of each song. This is not normal subway behavior. No one applauds for subway performers, except for the occasional Michael Jackson impersonator.

Late on Saturday night, the L train only comes about every 20 minutes, so there is time for a small concert as people wait. A middle aged woman walked up to the musician and pulled a ukulele out of her full length fur coat and started to play along. I started to wonder why so many people play ukulele in Brooklyn. Two other people had guitars with them, and just as it seemed like a small band might form, the train pulled up and the moment was lost.

The subway platform is often just a holding area where a semi-lifeless mass of humanity waits until they can continue toward their destination. L Train people embrace the journey, at least on Saturday nights.

Practice Makes Perfect

As I mentioned in my last post, I prefer to do projects in one big creative session rather than doing a little bit each day. However, this is my year of Leveraging Consistency. Practice makes perfect. I've heard it before, but don't always heed that advice. When my commitments cause me to do the same thing every day (such as during the run of a show when I sing or dance six days a week), I get noticeably better. Things are different when I am doing something on my own. Once I've done it "right" a few times, I am ready to move on to something else. Insatiable curiosity is great, but to be truly excellent we must practice. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers, says that to be truly genius at anything, we must practice 10,000 hours. I don't know that I have done anything for 10,000 hours, but I have seen the early fruits of such labor. When we truly master something, we intuitively know how to do it well. It is deep within our bones. It is part of our DNA. What a powerful concept to know that if we just spend the time, we really can be great at any number of things for which we have a natural aptitude.

Now it's just a matter of choosing which things are worthy of seeking true greatness.

Home

Now that I am back in New York, people are asking, "How were your holidays? Did you get to go home?" The short answer is yes, even though I did not go to any particular house in which I have ever lived. I went "home" because I saw the people who represent home to me.

At the end of my national tour, the show flew me to Denver, where my brother and his family live. My brother and his wife have bought a beautiful house since I was last in Denver, so I spent my time there in a place that was all new to me. My parents were there as well, and we continued all of our Christmas traditions (including the Christmas theme discussed in an earlier post). Gathered with these people doing these things, I was "home".

I have spent the last 8 or 9 New Year's Eves with two close friends from Minnesota. One of those friends was in Denver this year. And so were the cousins of the other friend. And they brought their boyfriends and husbands, one of whom I went to seminary with. And one of the cousins knew a friend of mine from New York who was also in Denver visiting his family. When it was all said and done, I arrived at a New Year's Eve party in downtown Denver at which the only person that I did not know was the person whose condo the party was being held. So I made friends with him. There is always room for another person at home.

Endings

When the last day of school approaches, there are tests to take, classrooms to tidy up, books to turn in or sell. When school ends forever, there is the great fanfare of graduation. When most jobs end, you might have less to do on your last day because you have already delegated many tasks to others or you might be training in a new person to do your job. When you move to a new home, you spend the last week or so packing and living with less of your things. All of these are signals that something is about to change. The signals allow you to slowly ease into your new reality. When a show ends, there are no signals. The day of the last show, you must get up and do the exact same show that you did on the first day. Same lines, same dances, same costumes, same sets. And then, when it is over, it's over very suddenly. We gave our last two performances of Babes in Toyland, and then packed up our costumes and sets just like we had at every venue along the way. And it was over. The little world of Toyland that we had created and brought to children from Wisconsin to New York was gone. We said brief goodbyes to one another, and headed back into our own lives. The end. And the beginning of the next big thing.

The Number Line

When rehearsing a show, you learn where to move around the stage. Sometimes, especially when it is a dance-heavy show, a choreographer will put down a number line. This is a row of numbers taped to the stage that is near the edge of it. A tape mark at the center is zero, and 24 inches on either side of the zero is the stage left "one" and the stage right "one". The numbers continue, evenly spaced, out as far as needed. Then, during dances and complicated blocking, actors know that they must be on, say, "four" at the beginning of the dance and "six" for the next section and "two" for the final pose. This is how shows appear to be symetrical and organized to the audience. With a touring show, the number line becomes essential. We perform on a new stage almost every day, with all new variables to deal with. The set travels with us, but it must expand or contract to fit each new space. Our choreography and blocking must also expand or contract to fit each space. It could be very disorienting, but we deal with it by expanding or contracting the number line itself. The distance between each number can expand or contract to fit the theater. Actors quickly learn that in a big space, it takes much longer to get to "six" (the furthest point out on each side) so you need to either leave earlier or walk faster, but make sure you get there at the same time you always do. The number line becomes a sort of compass, something to depend on when so many other things change each day. It makes me think about other things that we use in our daily life to ground us as we encounter new situations. We carry around skills, assumptions and habits that provide the sort of map and compass to our lives that the number line provides to the show. What is your number line?