Monday Musing: Courage

Cake by Bethany at Simply Decadent

On Friday evening, I went to a viewing party to watch two episodes of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" that featured my friend Mark. If you're wondering if you saw him, he was the guy that looked exactly like the guy on this cake. He was also the most entertaining contestant of the week, hands down. Mark's television appearance included such comments as, "If you're going to be rich, you gotta look good" and other gems that make daytime television into true entertainment. 

Afterward, I asked him what he learned. "I learned that I should go with my gut. It turned out I was right for every question that I skipped or walked out on. [Editor's note: In the new version of Millionaire, the three life lines are two opportunities to skip a question and one opportunity to ask the audience.] It's about having confidence in what you know and what you think you know. Courage is hard, but good things can come from it."

There you have it. To win a game show, you need courage. That in itself would be good advice for all of those times that one might end up on a nationally televised game show, but then he made the kind of big thought leap that I love. He pointed out that courage is also the basis of all positive social change. Nothing has ever happened to change the world that didn't start with courage. Rosa Parks needed courage to stay seated on the bus. We tried to think of a solid exception. Are there major social movements that don't start with courage? We couldn't come up with an exception, and didn't really want to. Our conclusion is that the world changes because of people with courage. Thanks, Mark. Incredible insight. 

Today, cultivate courage in whatever experiences you have. Once you know yourself to be courageous, you have the tools to make a change when the opportunity arises.

By the way, Mark did well but he did not become a millionaire. He answered eight questions correctly to win $45,500. He chose not to answer the ninth question, and walked away with half of his "bank," for a total of $22,750. An incorrect answer would have caused him to walk away with only $1000. [As I said above, the rules are all different than what you may remember.]

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NY Giants' Winning Mantra

I generally don't participate in football festivities, but I happened to be at a Super Bowl party this year. Being in New York City, I knew our local team was playing yet I was just marginally invested. As I sat there eating what could only be called a gourmet selection of dips, our tradition struck me as odd. We all sit around eating high calorie foods while we watch some of the best athletes in our country battle for the championship. It feels like a disconnect.

Beyond the promise of fun dips and other foods, I get on board with sports if I know some of the players personally or there is an inspiring moment. Since I didn't know any of the players in the Super Bowl, I needed an inspiring moment. I must say, inspiration is generally easier to find in the Olympics than in other sporting competitions, but it's there.

For me, inspiration came after the game during an interview with coach Tom Coughlin. He said that he tells his players, "Talk is cheap. Play the game." After some googling, I learned that he even gave shirts to the team with this phrase in 2007. I love it. Not totally original, but it overlaps nicely with my One Little Word this year, action. We can talk all we want, but action is what counts in the end.

Congratulations, Giants. I applaud you as I sit here on the couch, finishing off the last of the guacamole.

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Monday Musings: 10,000 Hours

At the 34th Street subway station, there is a small boy who plays classical music on an electronic piano at breakneck speeds while his father stands at his side. It seems to match the pace of the trains to hear Mozart played five times faster than you've ever heard it. Whenever I see him, I think about Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers and how he determined that it takes 10,000 hours to reach truly expert levels at anything. The Beatles played for years in German bars to reach 10,000 hours. Bill Gates was playing with university computers while still in high school, reaching an expert level of 10,000 hours before most people his age. To reach 10,000 hours you need passion, focus, determination, and perhaps a father looking over your shoulder as you play classical music on the subway platform.

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A Win-Win Situation, Overheard on the Subway

Riding the subway during busy times is sometimes nearly silent, and sometimes full of conversations that you can't help but overhear.

Yesterday, I heard a man tell a friend that late last Friday afternoon he got a call that his parents were coming for a surprise visit. His home was a mess, and he had to work late. He called his once-a-month cleaning lady on a Friday night, wondering if she would take a last minute job at a time of day that she doesn't usually work. She agreed immediately. She took the bus across town and worked for a few hours. By the time he got home his place was spotless. As he paid her and gave her an extra tip, she held up the money and said, "This is Christmas for my children. Thank you."

The man on the subway didn't draw conclusions from his experience, but I was struck with how in that one transaction they both were provided with what they needed. He was thrilled that she would work on a Friday night with no advance warning right when he needed her. She was thrilled to have extra money for Christmas gifts.

I think that there are more opportunities than we realize to create win-win situations, but two factors come into play:

1. we must ask for what we need 
2. we must take the opportunities that come to us

Which part of that equation do you need to get better at doing?

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Tuesday Travel Tip: Plan Ahead to Have Your Work Done Early

Non-perishables and other necessities

You may recall my post in July with the same title as today's post: Plan Ahead to Have Your Work Done Early. This past week, I did a better job of following my own advice. Faced with Hurricane Irene and potential power outages, I worked ahead on many things.

• Wrote blog posts and other social media
• Contacted people who were scheduled for one-on-one coaching sessions early in the week
• Made other arrangements for plans with friends
• Confirmed the cancellation of a Rodgers and Hammerstein show I was supposed to sing in
• Picked up batteries, a flashlight and a radio from my storage unit
• Bought non-perishable food items

In fact, every step of the way, from shopping to communicating about plans to retrieving supplies, I never felt rushed or stressed. By shopping Thursday instead of Friday, I actually was able to buy all of the food that I wanted before the shelves were empty. By having batteries and a flashlight well ahead of time, I did not have to fight the crowds to buy those items. I even had time in the midst of my hurricane preparations to get a massage, and time to sit and talk with a friend who I ran into just hours before the rain began. Why? Because I was prepared.

Of course all storms are unpredictable. Now that it's over, I realize that my area was spared and my thoughts are with others who are still recovering. Yet, at least the "storm" didn't start early for me with a flurry of rushing through necessary errands before things were sold out or the transit system shut down (as it did at noon on Saturday). I also didn't cross that line into living from a place of fear by over-preparing, which we've all seen someone do. I calmly used the information I had to prepare the best I could, and trusted that I could handle whatever unexpected things came my way.

The best part of the storm for me: I had time to create a whole new webinar: "Smooth Travels: 10 Essentials you must pack for the Journey to your Next Big Goal." Join me for a free 60-minute webinar this Thursday, September 1 at 6 pm PDT / 9 pm EDT.

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Monday Musing: Contribute to the System

(Source: architizer.com via Pinterest)

On this day of debt ceilings and federal budgets and taxes in the United States, I think back to a recent conversation with an acquaintance who was ranting about how his tax dollars were being used to fund a playground. He never planned to have children and didn't see the point of paying for something akin to toys for someone else's child. "It's not like it's a school or something useful. This has nothing to do with me."

Actually, it has a lot to do with him. I explained how a playground keeps the high-earning parents of those children in our community, paying local taxes and funding all sorts of things. If the families stay here instead of commuting from some other place with more playgrounds, they also may take in some local entertainment, thereby directly supporting my performer-acquaintance. I also pointed out that he has a vested interest in those children growing up healthy and strong so they will be ready to take care of him in his old age, since he doesn't want children.

Whether it's taxes or doing a favor for someone or making a donation, sometimes it's not about your immediate individual return on investment. Sometimes it's a secondary benefit, and sometimes it just won't benefit you at all. Of course you don't waste your time and money, you just may need to look a bit further to see where it's going. You contribute because it's about keeping the system strong and living an orderly, generous, pleasant life. And who's to say we won't try out that playground some evening after the children get tucked into bed?
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A Week in the Life of a Life Coach, Actress and Urban Nomad

Some of my friends in the blog-o-sphere introduced me to Ali Edwards. She leads a scrapbooking project called Week in the Life. The idea is that once a year, you make a time capsule of what regular life is like. To find out more, visit her website.

For my Week in the Life, I followed many of Ali Edwards' suggestions. I also made it work for me. For example, I had my Week in the Life begin on Wednesday since that's when my week begins, after Monday and Tuesday off from performing in shows. I also noticed that Ali Edwards typically does The Week in the Life at the end of April. At first I thought I shouldn't do that week because of how much I had going on, and then I realized that's the point. I just capture a week, no matter what's happening.

I'm glad I did the project. Documenting a week made me think about what's important in my current situation, what I'll want to remember for the future, and who is in my world. I also found myself delighting in normal things, knowing that they won't always be normal once I move on. I even took photos of things like my food, my favorite beauty products, and my shoes because those photos will be a fun time capsule later on.

Start to appreciate normal life. Document it with photos, keep a detailed journal, or just discuss it with a partner. You may find a new appreciation for things that you weren't even noticing.

I will eventually put my pictures into a scrapbook the way Ali Edwards suggests, but for now I've gathered them into a video with a couple show clips. If you've ever wondered about the week of a life coach, actress, and Urban Nomad, here is a peek into my world.


A Week in the Life from Dawn Trautman on Vimeo.

(Having trouble viewing it? Watch it on Vimeo.)
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Bring What You Need

Part of the reality of life in New York is that occasionally you turn a corner to discover a film or television show being shot on location. Films and television shows are remarkable because they set up shop anywhere in the city (that they can get a permit) and bring everything with them. Seriously, everything. They have bathrooms, dressing rooms, hair, makeup, craft services (food), lights, props, costumes and even a generator that all arrives in trucks. They park along the street, do their shoot, and drive away. Done.

They know what they need in order to be successful, and bring everything with them. What do you need in order to be successful? What do you need to bring with you?

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Leadership Matters

(Gregg Breinberg and the P.S. 22 Chorus, photo by Rosier/News, Linda)

P.S. 22 is a public elementary school in New York City. It's a regular school educating neighborhood children, just like schools around the country. In their midst, they have a great music teacher, known as Mr. B. If you haven't seen the videos of their 5th grade chorus floating around, you can view some of them on YouTube. What makes them different? Mr. B encourages the children to "not fake it, feel it." They have "felt it" all the way to worldwide fame. In fact, they sang on the Oscars last night. This group of 5th graders are getting a wonderful experience, but they are not just an exceptional class of 5th graders. Mr. B has been in this position since 1998, creating a wonderful chorus year after year.

Every leadership position matters. Every leader can have an impact on their sphere of influence. You don't need the most glamorous leadership position, you can make a difference where you are. It doesn't always lead to a trip to the Oscars, but it always had the potential to change a life. 

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Appreciation

(The cast of The Drowsy Chaperone. Photo by Bella Muccari.)

I just completed a run of The Drowsy Chaperone at an off-off-Broadway theater. It was the first New York City revival of the show since the original Broadway production. But that was not what made this production remarkable. In a risky business such as show business, there is sometimes more emphasis on the business than the show. Not this time. Everyone from the producer to the artistic staff to the crew to the actors really, truly loved the show. This energy resulted in a great production, great reviews, sold out houses with people lining up outside in the cold to get tickets, and visits from original Broadway cast members and even one of the writers. Love and passion for the show actually resulted in more business.

This love and passion carried us right through the final performance. The end of a run can often go one of two ways: it can feel like a funeral or it can feel like a relief. However, the end of The Drowsy Chaperone felt like a celebration. We celebrated the show with a song written and performed by the actress playing the title character. We talked about what we loved in each others' work onstage and offstage. We watched from the wings to support actors in scenes we were not in. It was a whole day of appreciation for one another and for the show we had created together.

Where could you show more appreciation for others in your life? Why not do it now?

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How You React is Your Decision

Photo by Murray at New York Daily News

Here on the East Coast we are having a very snowy winter. During a recent snowstorm I was walking late at night in Brooklyn when I saw a woman who must have fallen on the sidewalk. No one else was around, so I asked if she was OK. She only partially answered. Then I asked if she wanted help up. She at first said no, then yes. I helped her up, and she continued to stand on the slippery metal grate. I told her to step into the snow, where there is more traction. She hesitated, and then stepped into the snow. She didn't seem to need anything else or have any motivation to get out of the cold. I felt my duty as a good Samaritan was done, and continued on my way.

I realize that I don't know anything about this woman and she may have had excellent reasons to stay in a heap on the sidewalk. However, in my short interaction with her, I sensed that she had a victim mentality. She almost wanted to stay sitting on the sidewalk, where she could dwell within self pity. She almost refused my offer of help to get out of the situation. She almost stayed on the slippery surface where she could fall again, and only reluctantly stepped into a more secure place.

Unpleasant things happen to all of us. How you react is your choice. Do you attempt to fix the situation? Do you accept offers of help? Do you take action to reduce the possibility that it will happen again?

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Roosevelt's "Fellowship of the Do-ers"

Theodore Roosevelt is more than just a face on Mt. Rushmore. Watch my (home made) video to see what I learned about how he overcame physical challenges as a child, and learned a life lesson that took him all the way to the presidency. This is part of my series of videos called "Inspiration from Famous People in History." You can view them all (including this one, if you're having trouble connecting to it here) on my website's video pages.

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The tourist who didn't see a famous person in Times Square

David Hyde Pierce in Curtains
Photo by Joan Marcus

Many people seem to believe that their surroundings do not provide what they want or need. Is that the case, or are you just not noticing what's there? As I passed a tour group in Times Square, I overheard a man ask when they were going to start seeing famous people. His tone implied that this was very important to him, and that he was frustrated that the famous people hadn't yet made themselves available to him. Just then, David Hyde Pierce passed quietly around the group, presumably on his way to the Broadway musical in which he was starring. As a well trained New Yorker, I didn't say or do anything to draw attention to the celebrity. None of the tourists noticed David Hyde Pierce, probably to the great relief of David Hyde Pierce. I was left to consider all sorts of things:

• God or the Universe (I don't believe in coincidences) delivered the exact type of person that the tourist wanted at the exact moment he asked for it.
• Someone in the general category of celebrity walked by. We can't always manifest the exact person or thing that we pray for or focus on, but some form of fulfillment presents itself.
• The man was so busy asking his leader when his leader was going to point out a famous person that he missed a famous person. Always look for your own solution, even when someone else is helping to guide the way.

I don't know whether this tourist ever saw a famous person on his trip to the Big Apple. If not, perhaps the problem was not a lack of access to what he wanted, but a lack of ability to see that what he wanted was passing by on the sidewalk.

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Take Advantage of Opportunities in 2011 [Video]

Many people have a lifelong dream of seeing the ball drop on New Year's Eve in Times Square. As much as I love events of worldwide importance, Times Square on New Year's Eve has never been my dream. In fact, I have resisted opportunities to go because of the crowds, the cold, and the extreme time commitment involved. However,when I was invited to a New Year's Eve office party that overlooks Times Square, it seemed like the perfect situation. A bird's eye view of the action without actually being in the crowd. We could hear the entertainment, see the ball drop, and even catch a few pieces of confetti as they floated through the air.

I knew I didn't want to see the ball drop from the crowded streets of Times Square, so eventually life presented an opportunity to participate on terms that worked better for me. Life offers what you need if you pay attention. It may not be the exact way you predicted, it may not be absolutely perfect, but when an opportunity presents itself, take advantage and do what you need to do to make it fit your terms.

In 2011, I hope that you will be more attuned to unexpected opportunities and take advantage of them.

For a peak at my view of the action, check out this video. (If you can't see it here, visit http://www.vimeo.com/18339472)

 

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Time for some Thoughts on Time

When I stopped at a mall the other day, they were hosting a Salvador Dali exhibition. Among Dali's most famous works are those involving clocks melting, like the one in the picture that I took. You may have your own interpretation of his work, and if so, I'd love to hear it. To me, the melting clock represents how difficult it is to measure time. Science tells us that every day is 24 hours, and every hour is 60 minutes, and every minute is 60 seconds, but everyone knows that our experience of the time is not equal and scientific. If we enjoy a thrilling event, time passes in an instant. If we are not engaged in our pursuits, time crawls along with maddening delays.  If we are asleep, hours pass without our knowledge.

What happens when your clock "melts"? What activities are so engaging that you lose track of time? Where do you lose time that you really need to apply to other, more productive activities? Is it "time" to make a change?

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The keys to Success as an Urban Nomad are, well, keys

For someone who owns neither a house or a car, I carry around a lot of keys. Of course I generally have keys to where I am staying, but I also have other keys. Emergency keys. The emergency keys are not just for my own emergencies, they are for emergencies of my friends.

For an Urban Nomad, there is always the slight possibility of having nowhere to go on a given night. One time I subletted an apartment and they mailed the keys to my mail receiving service, but the day that I needed them, the mail receiving service closed for a snow day. No keys, no access to the apartment. I stayed that night with a friend and moved into the sublet the next day. It was no problem. She didn't have to rush home to let me in. I already had her keys.

The emergency keys also allow me to help various friends because they know I have access to their place. Need someone to meet the cable guy? Sure, it's no problem. I have the keys.

I also carry the keys to my storage at all times, even when I don't think I'm going there. How often have I been out and then been invited to an event for which I am not wearing appropriate clothing? No problem, I just get something else out of my storage.

You might say that the keys themselves are a "key" to my success as an Urban Nomad. What do you need to do to be prepared? What are the keys to your success? When you're ready to prepare for success, contact me to set up a coaching session.

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These are the the bags that I generally carry as I circulate around New York City from one apartment to another. I find it easier to have a series of small bags than to have one big, heavy bag. However, on a recent transfer between apartments I realized how unwieldy one of the bags was. Nothing impossible, but nothing that would make it easy to transfer between subways at 42nd Street during rush hour. I would be moving at a snail's pace while everyone rushed around me. A few stops before 42nd Street I began strategizing how best to make the transfer. I was not coming up with any excellent ideas. Just then, someone I know got onto the subway car. Out of all the trains and all the cars on my train, she got on mine. This was someone I met at a one-day event over a year ago and have only seen once since that day. Yet she immediately said hello. And we chatted. She'd left work earlier than usual to make it to a show that night. And she was making the same transfer at 42nd Street. I told her to go ahead because I'd have to move slow. She said she'd carry half the bags. And she did.

God often works in mysterious ways, but that day God's work was abundantly clear to me.

Signs of Life

Walk.
Don't walk.
One way this way.
One way that way.

Usually traffic signs are clear about what to do. They keep us on track. They keep us safe.

But there are times that you get conflicting messages. That's when you have to look around at the potential hazards and make a decision. You draw upon what you have learned in the past. You consider where you need to be in the immediate future.

Is it best to stop? Is it best to go? This way or that way? What will keep me on track? What will keep me safe?

Don't just stand on the street corner waiting for one sign or another. Sometimes it won't be clear no matter how long you wait. Assess the situation. Go or don't go. This way or that way. Make a decision. And then, whether it was right or wrong, learn from it and make an even better decision next time.

Halloween Mash-up

All Halloween parties are not created equal. Last night a friend and I were invited to a Halloween mash-up party in Brooklyn. When we arrived, the three story brownstone was filled with interesting people who were each dressed as two things. We met Salvadore Dali Parton, Darth Mal Cop, Steamboat Willie Nelson, Mad Men in Tights, Chilean Coal Miner's Daughter, Hill-Billy Eliot and dozens of others. Here are some of our favorites.

Olive Oyl Spill and Gluten Free Tibet

Safety Pin-up Girl and Lady Ga-Gandi

Marie Antoi-Netti Pot and the Wicked Witch of the West Side Story

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now Boarding on Track 4

One of the realities of living in different places all the time is that I take different routes "home" all the time. Last week I had lunch with a friend by the World Trade Center, and then took the train out to Hoboken, NJ. Since I've never done this before, I read every sign to make sure that I got on the right train. There was a sign near the track, a sign on the front of the train, and a sign over each door to the train. They all said Hoboken. I got on. Business people filled the train, headed home from work. You can tell when people are on their usual route because they don't read the signs and pay very little attention to their surroundings. They know where to go. They are on autopilot.

It turns out, they should have read the signs. Just as the doors were closing, the conductor announced "this is the train to Hoboken" and there was a general rush to get off the train. Apparently that track usually has the train to Newark. They assumed that this train would go to Newark. They did not read the signs.

Sometimes autopilot is helpful. In this case, it wasn't. If things in your environment change but you are on autopilot, doing what you always did, you end up in Hoboken when you wanted to go to Newark. They could have stayed on the train, insisting that track four always has the train to Newark, but they would have ended up in Hoboken, still wondering why they weren't in Newark. We all know people like that. We've all been that person, whether or not we've ever ridden a train. Be honest, what part of your life needs to be taken off autopilot because the behavior you've always done just isn't getting you where you need to go?