Monday Musings: Don't Compare Yourself

I find that one of our favorite games as humans is to compare ourselves with other humans.

This seems to go nowhere fast and end badly.

If you compare yourself with someone else and you decide that they are better than you, you feel inferior. You become jealous. You may even wonder if they somehow cheated in order to get what they have. (Did she get botox?) You may also try to tear them down or watch closely for their imperfections. (Sure, he's nice now, but I heard that he can snap in an instant.)

Conversely, if you compare yourself with someone else, and you decide that you are better than them, you feel superior. You become condescending. You might get caught up in maintaining your advantage at any expense. You look around for confirmation that you are, in fact, superior and that everyone else does not measure up.

Why not just be so excellent at being you that it doesn't even make sense to compare?

Even if you and another person are pursuing what appears to be the same goal, you will still follow different paths to the goal. For example, I know a lot of life coaches. Many offer telephone sessions and eCourses and some have even written books. However, when I had the idea to make my book release party into a Broadway cabaret, I wondered if I should keep my idea quiet until I had it ready to go. Would someone steal my idea?

Then I realized that there is absolutely no way that another life coach just wrote a book and is going to launch it by singing show tunes based on the themes in the book.

I'm not always good at the game of non-comparison. When I started to attend professional auditions in New York, I told my vocal coach that I would psych myself out as I listened to everyone else audition. She told me to keep my eye on the ball. No one is exactly like me, so I needed to sing my song in the way I sing it. If that's what they wanted for the show, they would hire me. If not, I couldn't do much about it so I may as well move on.

At auditions it seemed like we were all working toward the same goal, yet there was no need to compare. I just needed to do what I do well. It also freed me up to offer a helping hand to the people around me. Even when we are all lined up to audition for the same part, I may as well tell the woman in front of me in line that she has something in her teeth. I can help her be her best self because it takes nothing away from me being my best self.

Stop comparing and be your best self.

Quick tip: If you are having trouble with this, turn off your television. In my observation, the entire basis of reality television is to encourage the viewer to make unhealthy comparisons with the people in the show. "At least I'm not as messy as the hoarders" or "I'll never be as beautiful as the bachelorette." It's a quick and easy way to get out of that cycle.

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A version of this blog post is in my new book, "Urban Nomad USA: Travel Sized Life Coaching for Journeys of All Sorts" and is paired with a show tune for the book release cabaret. Attend a book release cabaret in St. Paul or New York City, or contact Dawn to do the cabaret with your organization in April or May, 2012.

Ready for some serious momentum? Join our world wide movement of Good People Going Great Places by enrolling in the 4 month eCourse that starts April 9! You'll be in a group of intelligent, creative, spiritually-minded people as they examine questions of identity, purpose and passion, and then actually do something to make a difference in your world. Find out more, and register today.

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Do you know an intelligent, creative, spiritually-minded person who might be interested in this blog post? Please forward it in its entirety, compliments of Dawn Trautman, Urban Nomad. Copyright, 2012.

Tuesday Travel Tip: Make a Video

How do you remember your travels? Sometimes I make my own travel videos, some of which you can view here. My latest travels have taken me across the country and back in time to St. Louis in 1903, by way of Florida. I know, it makes no sense geographically, but I'm playing Mrs. Anna Smith in a production of "Meet Me in St. Louis" at a dinner theater in Florida. Watch the video to meet some of the other characters, see the beautiful costumes, hear one of our suggested rewrites for the script, and even get a back stage glimpse of the "snow."(If you have trouble making the player work here, just click the link below the video to view it on Vimeo).


Backstage at Meet me in St. Louis from Dawn Trautman on Vimeo.

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Get a jump start on your next goal or your 2012 resolution with the all-new Super Strategic Map Making Session - live in person or via webcam! It's the structure, strategy and momentum that you need to get started.

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Do you know a smart, creative, spiritually-minded person who might be interested in this blog post? Please forward it in its entirety, compliments of Dawn Trautman, Urban Nomad. Copyright, 2011.

Monday Morning Musings: Set Deadlines for Creative Projects

The cast of Meet Me in St. Louis which opened this weekend

Sometimes creative projects marinate awhile. They benefit from weeks, months, or even years of consideration before any action is taken. There is something luxurious about keeping the project personal and considering it whenever there is a free moment.

Often, creative projects that actually get completed happen on an external deadline. Ah, the power of a deadline. Without it, many projects never even get started. With it, the pressure of time forces solutions to tiny barriers in exciting new ways.

Sometimes we don't want to work to the deadline, but various realities leave no other choice. In my world, revivals of musicals in regional theaters happen on deadlines. The artisitic staff starts months ahead of time, but the actors arrive at the theater only two and a half weeks before opening night. In approximately 17 days, the actors learn the music, blocking, and dances. Only after the actors are assembled can the artistic staff do costume fittings, light cues, set construction, adjustments to the orchestrations and discussions about characters with the actors.

The intensity of the schedule causes exciting new connections, excellent solutions and creativity that may not happen otherwise. Whether it's a performing art or fine art, deadlines are powerful.

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What creative projects of yours need an external deadline? I can help you make a step-by-step map to your creative project through one-on-one coaching by phone or email.

Get ready: the next session of 4-week interactive eCourses runs October 18 through November 15. Just think, before Thanksgiving you could learn more about yourself, get completely organized or learn proven methods to reach your goals.

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Do you know a smart, creative, spiritually-minded person who might be interested in this blog post? Please forward it in its entirety, compliments of Dawn Trautman, Urban Nomad. Copyright, 2011.

A Week in the Life of a Life Coach, Actress and Urban Nomad

Some of my friends in the blog-o-sphere introduced me to Ali Edwards. She leads a scrapbooking project called Week in the Life. The idea is that once a year, you make a time capsule of what regular life is like. To find out more, visit her website.

For my Week in the Life, I followed many of Ali Edwards' suggestions. I also made it work for me. For example, I had my Week in the Life begin on Wednesday since that's when my week begins, after Monday and Tuesday off from performing in shows. I also noticed that Ali Edwards typically does The Week in the Life at the end of April. At first I thought I shouldn't do that week because of how much I had going on, and then I realized that's the point. I just capture a week, no matter what's happening.

I'm glad I did the project. Documenting a week made me think about what's important in my current situation, what I'll want to remember for the future, and who is in my world. I also found myself delighting in normal things, knowing that they won't always be normal once I move on. I even took photos of things like my food, my favorite beauty products, and my shoes because those photos will be a fun time capsule later on.

Start to appreciate normal life. Document it with photos, keep a detailed journal, or just discuss it with a partner. You may find a new appreciation for things that you weren't even noticing.

I will eventually put my pictures into a scrapbook the way Ali Edwards suggests, but for now I've gathered them into a video with a couple show clips. If you've ever wondered about the week of a life coach, actress, and Urban Nomad, here is a peek into my world.


A Week in the Life from Dawn Trautman on Vimeo.

(Having trouble viewing it? Watch it on Vimeo.)
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Your Signature Piece represents Your Personal Brand

These are the aprons that I wear as Marion Cunningham in Happy Days: The Musical. Yes, there are five. Yes, they coordinate to the costumes. She just wouldn't be Marion without the apron. Marion makes meals, works hard, loves and nurtures her family. All of her core values are represented by the aprons.

Do you have a signature piece of clothing or a small item that really captures your core values? Do people see you with that item on a regular basis?

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Take time to define your core values and create a personal mission statement that embodies who you are and how you interact with the world around you. All this and more are available in the next round of $59 Online Interactive e-courses which start THIS THURSDAY, April 28, and run for four weeks.

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Tap Shoes, Mary Kay, and Getting Things Done

In my current role as Marion Cunningham in Happy Days: The Musical, the theater provides the shoes that I wear with my costume with one exception: tap shoes. I wear my own tap shoes in the show. (You'll have to come see it to discover why Marion Cunningham is tap dancing). Backstage at each performance, I have to put on a costume piece, pick up a prop, and get the shoes on and off semi-quietly, semi-quickly in semi-darkness. One shoe has a buckle that is very easy to manipulate. The other is a struggle every single time. Sometimes I hear the cue coming up and I don't have it buckled. It creates stress. However, I have found that if I work on the difficult buckle first, I am less stressed and get it to work in plenty of time to do everything else.

I read that Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay cosmetics, made a list of what she needed to do each day, and then started with the hardest thing on the list. Same concept. What do you need to do today? Start with the hardest thing and get it done. If you leave the hard part for last, you add layers of stress that make it even harder.

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Tools of the Trade

• Assorted Make-up
• Makeup Application Sponges and Brushes
• False Eyelashes and Glue
• Eyelash Curler
• Magnifying Mirror
• Bobby Pins and Wig Pins
• Microphone
• Microphone Tape
• Microphone Pack
• Wig Cap
• Wig
• Costumes
• Costume Plot
• Reading Material
• Throat Lozenges
• Liquids to Drink
• Phone

What are the tools of your trade?

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When was the last time you learned a new skill?

I am playing a role in a musical in which the character plays the ukelele. I did not know how to play the ukelele, so I was excited to get started. What's more fun than learning a new instrument? I played the piano and then the flute as I grew up but never stringed instruments. Once I started to practice, I was actually surprised at how slowly I made progress. My fingers didn't want to make the chords, at least not in a way that sounded in tune.

When was the last time I attempted to learn an entirely new skill? I'm not even sure.

So often, we do what we are good at and just do more of it until we are either great at it or living on autopilot. Everything from daily tasks to the central tasks of our career were at one point things we had to learn. As we get older, there are less and less occasions in which we absolutely must do something totally new, for which we have very little preparation or skill. We either build on what we already know or pay someone else to do things we don't know how to do. However, learning to do something completely new provides the opportunity to become humble about your skills, aware of your own learning process, connected to new parts of your brain, excited about obvious improvements, able to share a new activity with others, and eventually able to add a new "special skill" to your resume.

Who knows, maybe someday I'll join a ukelele band in Brooklyn (I hear there are many. In fact, I've seen one that played exclusively Gilbert and Sullivan tunes). Right now, I am a long way off from ukelele bands giving concerts. I'm just trying to get the fingering for Gmajor7.

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Lessons in Confidence from Maria Von Trapp

Julie Andrews as Maria in the 20th Century Fox movie

I am generally a fan of live stage versions of musicals over film versions. However, in the case of The Sound of Music, I love one of the songs that was added for the film version: "I Have Confidence." Maria has left the safety of the abbey to become the governess for seven children of a widowed captain. I think we all know how it ends - they sing, they fall in love, they escape from the Nazi's. It's all very exciting, but we often overlook that first step that Maria had to take in order for her to connect with her purpose and passion. She had to build up her confidence. Although the Mother Superior had sent her on this assignment, she was all alone as she approached the captain's estate. She has wanted an adventure outside the abbey, but when the adventure is about to start, her fear almost makes her turn back. Then she realizes that it's just seven children. She can handle it. And she sings herself out of her fear.

How often has fear stopped you from taking the step that will lead to greatness? What do you need to do to face that fear? (I recommend show tunes. Works every time.) How will you build your confidence in order to take the next step?
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