This seems to go nowhere fast and end badly.
If you compare yourself with someone else and you decide that they are better than you, you feel inferior. You become jealous. You may even wonder if they somehow cheated in order to get what they have. (Did she get botox?) You may also try to tear them down or watch closely for their imperfections. (Sure, he's nice now, but I heard that he can snap in an instant.)
Conversely, if you compare yourself with someone else, and you decide that you are better than them, you feel superior. You become condescending. You might get caught up in maintaining your advantage at any expense. You look around for confirmation that you are, in fact, superior and that everyone else does not measure up.
Why not just be so excellent at being you that it doesn't even make sense to compare?
Even if you and another person are pursuing what appears to be the same goal, you will still follow different paths to the goal. For example, I know a lot of life coaches. Many offer telephone sessions and eCourses and some have even written books. However, when I had the idea to make my book release party into a Broadway cabaret, I wondered if I should keep my idea quiet until I had it ready to go. Would someone steal my idea?
Then I realized that there is absolutely no way that another life coach just wrote a book and is going to launch it by singing show tunes based on the themes in the book.
I'm not always good at the game of non-comparison. When I started to attend professional auditions in New York, I told my vocal coach that I would psych myself out as I listened to everyone else audition. She told me to keep my eye on the ball. No one is exactly like me, so I needed to sing my song in the way I sing it. If that's what they wanted for the show, they would hire me. If not, I couldn't do much about it so I may as well move on.
At auditions it seemed like we were all working toward the same goal, yet there was no need to compare. I just needed to do what I do well. It also freed me up to offer a helping hand to the people around me. Even when we are all lined up to audition for the same part, I may as well tell the woman in front of me in line that she has something in her teeth. I can help her be her best self because it takes nothing away from me being my best self.
Stop comparing and be your best self.
Quick tip: If you are having trouble with this, turn off your television. In my observation, the entire basis of reality television is to encourage the viewer to make unhealthy comparisons with the people in the show. "At least I'm not as messy as the hoarders" or "I'll never be as beautiful as the bachelorette." It's a quick and easy way to get out of that cycle.
A version of this blog post is in my new book, "Urban Nomad USA: Travel Sized Life Coaching for Journeys of All Sorts" and is paired with a show tune for the book release cabaret. Attend a book release cabaret in St. Paul or New York City, or contact Dawn to do the cabaret with your organization in April or May, 2012.
Ready for some serious momentum? Join our world wide movement of Good People Going Great Places by enrolling in the 4 month eCourse that starts April 9! You'll be in a group of intelligent, creative, spiritually-minded people as they examine questions of identity, purpose and passion, and then actually do something to make a difference in your world. Find out more, and register today.
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Do you know an intelligent, creative, spiritually-minded person who might be interested in this blog post? Please forward it in its entirety, compliments of Dawn Trautman, Urban Nomad. Copyright, 2012.
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